I had my school bus broken into one time. I called the police department, explained the situation, and asked the dispatcher if they could send an officer to make a report. This is how the rest of the conversation went:
“Nah.”
“Nah?”
“Yeah, nah.” click

I went to Walmart once because at the time it was the only grocery store in the area that carried plantains. I have honestly never shopped anywhere else where I felt that level of malevolence from the employees. It was as if they were all working there only because their children were being held hostage and tortured and they were right on the cusp of deciding they didn’t really love their children that much. I thought I was close to getting stabbed by one of them, and I hadn’t even asked anybody for help finding anything.

What really blows my mind though is why anyone shops at Target. At least stuff at Walmart is cheap, but Target is ridiculously expensive while still being shit, especially the grocery department.

On the flip side, I was at the Shop-Rite self checkout one time, and every time I put something into my own bags I got the “unscanned item” alert. I kept looking over at the employee in charge of the checkout area with an enraged face and he would clear the alert and look apologetic. After like the tenth time this happened, I finally realized it was happening because I wasn’t actually scanning anything – I was just taking shit from my cart and putting it right into my bags. I have no idea why I had this brain fart all of a sudden, but I suppose I could have gotten a bunch of free groceries if I hadn’t apologized to the dude and put everything back in my cart and scanned it properly.

My dad died last year, and when I called the funeral home we’d picked out for him to come and pick up his body, the answering service was AI. It had the fake typing and background noises, and when I said dad’s name the AI read it back to me for confirmation as “Bob common name, Smith common name”. Like WTF? I was pretty much in shock from this and too flummoxed to tell it to fuck off and call a different funeral home. However mad you think this would make you in that situation, trust me it was worse.

I just don’t understand what they stand to lose by admitting that humans have demonstrably increased the global temperatures.

Cars.

I’ve long said that the more people you add to a software project, the longer it will take and the worse the final product will be. Your scenario describes one of the many reasons why this is the case.

Not many people know that “Baba Yaga” is the real name of the song, not “Teenage Wasteland”.

I rented a Taurus back in the early '90s for a thousand-mile drive. At one point the window crank (which some cars still came with back then) fell off in my hand, fortunately with the window still closed as this was in December. I reported this when I returned the car and the rental place was like “yeah, of course it did” and they didn’t even charge me anything extra.

I had a buddy who went to the GM institute for college and then went to work for GM in the late '80s. His first project involved tearing apart a Lexus and an Infiniti when these first came out and counting the number of production defects they found. He said a typical American car at the time had 300-400 defects. The Inifiniti they tore down had 2; the Lexus had 0.

Lol I doubt anybody reffing for FIFA needs “guidance” on that.

Yo.

It’s not weird. They and everybody with two connected neurons know the confederate flag really means “I hate black people”.

Department of Just Us

They put the “profa” in “prophylactic”.

No tolls only fees!

Liberals.

That reminds me of the old expression “a sucking chest wound is Nature’s Way of telling you you’ve been in a firefight.” I think Sun Tzu said that but I’m not sure.

My favorite is still the killer whales capsizing rich people’s sailboats. Although that would have been even better if the orcas had eaten the free snacks.

As someone who grew up in the '80s, no single person has ever disappointed me as much as Bono.

Don’t forget Al “I invented the Internet” Gore. What actually happened was: Al Gore as a young senator was shown ARPANET, the precursor to the Internet. He then wrote the High Performance Computing Act of 1991 which led to the creation of the Internet as we know it today. During the 2000 presidential election cycle, he gave an interview in which he stated that he “took the initiative in creating the Internet” – a perfectly reasonable claim that went unremarked upon at the time. Months later, Bush advisor Karl Rove dug up the interview and orchestrated a smear campaign through which Gore was supposed to have claimed to have “invented the Internet” and the rest is history.

Democrats do not sabotage their careers by yelling weirdly or being photographed with their tiny heads sticking out of tanks. They are assassinated (just politically, usually) by a savage and ruthless enemy.

I would call CS linguistics

I got out of taking any languages classes in college because Computer Science classes (of which I took exactly one, Pascal) satisfied the requirement. It’s fucking rubbish to imagine learning a programming language is anything like learning a real human language. If there is any similarity at all, it’s like learning Esperanto.