- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion@lemmy.world
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Headline: Russian Oligarch Found Dead in Moscow after Falling Out of Window
“Do you know how little that narrows it down?”
“Marked as suspected duplicate, needs more details.”
You gotta be kidding me. But hey, stick with the classics. If it ain’t broke…
The classics are the point. These aren’t meant to be secretive killings, the signature is the message.
They would use a different method if they wanted to obscure responsibility, dispose of the body, or do any number of things differently. Because they didn’t, means it was a public signing statement.
Whether it was intended for one recipient, or many, who’s to say. Either way, you can be sure the intended party, or parties, received it.
I’m gonna start pushing people out of windows and then blame the Russian government
Do you often find yourself in tall buildings and alone with oligarchs or siloviki?
If so, sure why not.
So not the coworker who heats fish in the break room microwave? They’re not rich nor Russian … at least I don’t think so. I better be safe and just do it.
These aren’t meant to be secretive killings, the signature is the message
Sure, but would it kill them to spice things up every once in a while?
It’s unfortunate that this method was initially used because it was an intentionally ambiguous method of assassination, whereas now it’s a signature assassination, with only a sprinkling of ambiguity for their local media.
Just think, if they had started with tragic hot air balloon accident, death by misadventure with a jet ski, or pet bear mauling?
This is what happens when everyone follows the same Hitman walkthrough.
Or volcano-shark-rocket accident?
Those damn flimsy Russian windows.
The wiki article is well maintained and up to date: Suspicious death of notable Russians 2022-2024
That was a grim read. My favorite part:
Reportedly died by suicide after shooting himself in the chest five times.
They shoot themselves 5 times in the chest while they free fall out the window during their suicide attempt and begin to fear it won’t kill them.
Might as well kill some time during the flight
Oligarch: Putin what is going on with the war? Why are we losing?
Putin: Oh wow look, an Eagle, just out there, wow majestic plumage, you should come and see…
Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they? I’m never getting near one if I ever go to Moscow.
Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they?I’m nevergetting near one if I evergo[ing] to Moscow.I’d love to go to Moscow. From all I’ve seen, it’s a beautiful city. I’d also love to go to St. Petersburg and see the Hermitage.
But not while Putin is in power. Maybe one day when elections are fair and queer people aren’t oppressed, but I won’t be holding my breath for that happening in my lifetime sadly.
If I’d outlive the gramps sending us to kill and die, it’d be a pleasure for me to show you and other lemmings around. Russia has many sight to see and adore, to fall in love even, mostly in St. Petes as I’m biased against Moscow. If at any point I’d not be persecuted for printing that comment, I’d gladly do it on the house.
Peterhoff is one of the most popular tourist destinations there if you want to google some photos. A mansion where every room is designed in it’s own royal-tier style to cringe at. And that complex is surrounded with a huge walking park with old trees, marble statues and beatiful fontains, some of them are made to shoot at random from the ground to confuse visitors, all of that sitting right at the shore.
My dad was invited to a conference in St. Petersburg when it was still Leningrad after Glasnost. He was well-traveled, but talked about how the two most beautiful cities he ever saw in his life were Leningrad and Sarajevo. He openly wept when the latter was destroyed during the war in the Balkans.
I hope we’d fucking stop before he’d cry once more at the ruins of Piter. This town still has historical markings about what side of the street to follow and where to hide from the WW2, and still…
Maybe one day when elections are fair and queer people aren’t oppressed, but I won’t be holding my breath for that happening in my lifetime sadly.
Yeah, work wanted to send me, but I’m not white and also not
suicidalwindow-proof.Kazan is on my list of places I’d like to visit, lots of neat architecture there.
I’d like to go to Kamchatka just so I can tell them that they’re the most useless space in Risk.
Also, apparently there’s lots of volcanoes and stuff.
Oh yes, the avoidance is entirely for governmental reasons. There is so much that would be interesting to see otherwise. Sadly it seems to be a repeating theme in Russian history where some change happens that seems like the ordinary people are finally starting to get some freedom and stability but then some authoritarian gets in power and cracks down on any dissenting views, even minor. I guess outsiders have to catch it during the right window of time.
Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they? I’m never getting nearone if I evergotoMoscow.
Well. You’d need to avoid windows, tea, people with umbrellas (OK not directly Russian, but soviet era eastern europe), aeroplanes, cars. And if they really want to get you, they’ll go old school and use a gun, or perhaps even a missile if you annoy the right people enough.
I’d just skip Moscow as a whole personally.
Pff. Some people just can’t hold their polonium.
Don’t forget underwear!
Some day a Russian public figure really will accidentally fall to their death out a window, but everyone will still think it’s an assassination lmao
Killed by the architects
…againdeleted by creator
Was beginning to wonder if Russia still has windows. It’s been a while.
Fuck russia
Man it’s really easy for Russians to fall out of windows. Maybe they should put a warning sticker on them or something.
This is not news, this is just Monday.
SWO - Special Windows Operations, a subdivision of FSB
